.: bistan.net :.

I usually don’t forward or post crap like that, but this is extremely creative writing.  Enjoy:

What’s up with all of this talk about a bad economy?  Seriously, I have no idea what these folks are talking about.  Maybe it was just all a ploy to put Democrats into office.  As for us, Kimberlie and I are at the top of our game.

In 2008, we contributed more towards retirement than ever before.  We were able to contribute more to non-profit organizations (church/charities) than ever before.  We dined out more than ever before.  We are even still saving more than ever.  We certainly aren’t hurting.

As for spending, we are spending more than ever.  In the last six months, I’ve bought a Nintendo Wii, and iPhone, annual passes to the happiest place on earth, and pretty much anything else we’ve wanted.  Usually, I NEVER splurge like that.  We are always doing some sort of entertainment.  We’re travelling more as well.  In 2007, we spent 14 nights in hotels.  In 2008, we spent 16 nights away.  This year, we may hit 20 nights. 

My salary and benefits are currently higher than they have ever been, but of course that’s usually the case.  (I’ve only stepped down into a lower paying job twice, but I proved myself both times and it payed off.)  The president of the University has also said that employee compensation is the top priority in next year’s budget.

Kimberlie was planning to negotiate a 5% raise for 2009, but she missed her regional manager because of our holiday trip.  That’s probably a good thing, because she ended up with a 20% raise!  She doesn’t really use any of her benefits because mine are so generous.

I guess we ARE employed in some pretty solid industries: health care and education.  Those are two areas that continue to boom, even when the economy tanks.  Information technology generally flourishes as folks tend to replace overpaid workers with computers and occupational therapy is growing fast thanks to the demise of the baby boomers.

Now sure, in the last 6 months my retirement savings has taken a nice hit, but at my age I expect volatility.  I don’t need those funds for at least 35 more years.  With that much time left, I’m supposed to be into those riskier investments.  And there are stores dropping like flies, but then again I HATED Linens and Things, Circuit City and KB Toys.  I am glad to see them go.  Car salesmen and the entire American automobile industry?  Good riddance!  They suck anyway. 

I’ll take UPS over DHL, Lowe’s over Home Depot, and John Deere over Caterpillar.  Last night, we were trying to predict what major chains would be next.  I say Quiznos.  They suck and they are overpriced and there are way too many sandwich chains.  Let’s see if I’m right. 

What about all of these job losses?  I doubt the people chosen to be laid off were the good, productive employees who pull their own wait.  If I was an employer and had to pick people to can, it would be the ones who take 800 smoke breaks a day and drive up my health insurance costs.  I know of several nice technology jobs at Mercer (one in my department) that need to be filled.  Don’t send those laid off folks our way though.  If Microsoft doesn’t want them, neither do we.

This stuff isn’t all bad though.  This the way a free market trims the fat.  Down with the oversized banks who have their computers answer the phones!  Down with companies that have bad service!  Down with sandwich shops that charge extra for cheese!  (I would love to put Down with Wal-Mart! here, but that’s not going to happen.)

Of course, if the economy has nowhere to go but up, I’m ready for the climb!