.: bistan.net :.

Six years ago when we got married and moved into this house, we did what was pretty normal at the time: we got a telephone line.  From the time the line was turned on, we were inundated with calls for the P… family.  I’m guessing that they had our number before it was assigned to us.  

My first clue was that Georgia Power wouldn’t let us use our new number to have power turned on for our address, because the number was associated with a delinquent account.  After that, it was credit card companies and even Gillead Christian Academy (a local extremely conservative private school).

Joel and Sonja P… are the main culprits and their son Jonathon gets almost as many calls.  Here is how the conversations for Jonathon would usually go:

Bill collector: “Hello. Is Jonathon there?”
Me: “This is Jonathan.”
Bill collector: “My name is blah blah and I’m calling about the money you owe me blah blah.”
Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”

Do you think the bill collectors bought it?  Of course not!  Once they confirm there is a Jonatha/on here, they think I’m changing the story when I tell them they have the wrong number.  So here we are, six years later, still getting harassing calls for the P… family.  

So how am I smarter than the bill collectors and why all of this tonight?  Using my common sense approach to researching on the internet, I’ve found them all.  Joel works (or worked) at the local Honda dealership, Jonathon is currently in the Marine Corps and Sonya (and possibly the others) attends a baptist church that is 1/2 mile from my house.  The latter two are on facebook, along with extended family, cousins, etc.  Why can’t the bill collectors use google?  It certainly would increase their recovery rate.

The number actually forwards to my cell phone now — our land lines are long gone — and when this AT&T contract is up in 2011, the number I’m referring to will be gone as well. 

Now, even though hardly anyone reads this blog, I’m calling these people out.  They deserve it after years of telephone calls and dinner interruptions.  I did hold back a little.  I haven’t published their address here.  They moved into their current house (which they paid $84,000 for) in November 2002, about 5 months before I got stuck with their number.  It’s all about research!

I usually don’t forward or post crap like that, but this is extremely creative writing.  Enjoy:

While things have looked quiet lately here on my blog, I’ve actually been writing several posts.  They are all “drafts” right now instead of posts for various reasons (timing, sensitivity, etc.)

Other than that I’ve been busy, busy with a number of things.  This is the first week of classes here at work, which makes for a nice headache.  It’s also my second week of class.  I just started on another master’s degree through Mercer’s School of Engineering.  This semester, the only class I’m taking is an object-oriented class using C#. 

I had the kids all day Monday because healthcare doesn’t observe holidays, last night was 3 amazing hours of LOST, and tonight I have the kids again while the wife updates her CPR certification.

I intentionally withheld my comments about this weeks “historical” event, although I think Obama did a great job attacking global warming — it is freaking cold here!  I’m also intentionally NOT discussing some work-related items.

There is one domestic chore that we don’t do at my house:  Ironing.

We don’t even own an iron.  For some reason, when we were going through the whole engagement – marriage era of our lives, everyone opted to give us toasters instead.  Six of them to be exact.  Most of them went back to the store, but not one was exchanged for an iron.

We do have an ironing board.  We also have a travel ironing board.  They sit in the deep dark corner of our laundry room, gathering dust by the hot water heater.  We even had a third ironing board at one point, which we gave away. When I tell people that we don’t have an iron, they give me the same look as when I tell them that “I’ve never swallowed a pill before” or “I’ve never eated a banana”.

When we stay at a hotel that has an iron in the closet, my five year old asks “Daddy, What’s that?” (He asks about the coffee maker too).  In contrast, my wife was already ironing her family’s clothes when she was five.  I have actually never ironed.  While growing up, I had a laundry genie that would take clothes out of the laundry basket and somehow make them clean, wrinkle-free, and on hangers in my closet.

Fast forward to now — six years into our marriage.  Guess what I need?  An iron.

No, I don’t have wrinkled clothes.  Well, at least not wrinkled enough to warrant actually purchasing an iron.

For my upcoming marathon, I decided to make my fan club (family) shirts to support me.  It seems to be the thing to do for the Disney Marathon.  I looked at creating shirts using zazzle, but I don’t want to spend that much money on a dated shirt that would be worn once.  My frugal self went to Hobby Lobby and bought some $3.00 white t-shirts and a $6.00 inkjet-iron-transfer kit from Wal-Mart.  Somehow I missed the hint that you actually need an iron to make it happen.  Doh!

So now I’m stuck with a dilema:  Do I fork out another $5.00 – $10.00 on an iron, or do I ask to borrow one?  I’m very frugal, so I don’t want to spend money on a household appliance that I’ll likely only use this once.  But an iron isn’t one of those things that you borrow from your next-door neighbor, like an extension ladder or a cup of sugar.

This may be one of those times when I purchase something, use it once, and return it.

Hypothetical situation:

If I decided to dress up in all black — ski mask included — and go jogging around my neighborhood for a good workout at night, would that be a crime?  It might be cold so I should be completely insulated. Maybe I should take some free weights or something to help boost the cardio. Oh yeah, I don’t have any free weights though so I’ll have to take some DVD players or something. That wouldn’t be a crime would it?

Maybe not, but I guarantee you some cop would come up and start questioning me. What would give them the right? I’m not committing a crime and I’m sure I don’t have any warrants out for my arrest. Since cops don’t harass normal citizens exercising in their own neighborhoods, maybe he’s really a criminal who has shot the real cop and is impersonating him. I should run. Fast.

Yeah I have worked at a law school too long.  Or maybe it’s just this cold is causing me to have more snot than since.

I snapped this photo through a rainy windshield while driving down Mercer University Drive in Macon:

You can’t help but wonder if the dent in the right side of his tailgate was caused by someone following too closely.  Probably a cop following too closely.  What idiot leaves all of those chocolate donuts out in the rain anyway?